Oh so Special!?!

I remember always feeling special as a little girl. I was constantly told I was so pretty or I was so smart. I remember always getting to be in the play or being picked to do something special in a church program. I remember being the girl that everyone wanted to be friends with. I was the one to keep you laughing or keep the conversation going. I was oblivious to the world around me or other people feelings. I was selfish, but not rude just oblivious!
I know now as an adult that everybody didn't feel that way as a child. I know now not everyone felt special.
I miss that feeling
My mom always made me feel that way. Special.
I haven't felt special in a long time. I no longer the life of the party usually because I don't go to the party.
What is special? Well(you had to see this coming :) Webster says special is distinguished or different from what is ordinary or usual, particularly valued.
But in my life special now takes on another meaning.
I'm a mother of a child with special needs.
What does that mean?
It means appointments with specialists and therapy and tests.
It means nothing is easy everything takes extra effort and explanations.
It means feeling different and separated not necessarily set apart like I felt in my youth. Set apart was what I strived for. I never wanted to be part of the crowd or blend in.
My how that's changed....
I would love to go to toddler reading time at the library and just be like the other mommies with their non special needs children.
I would love to not feel the need to make an excuse every time we enter a new situation or a new group of people.
But I don't have that choice. A.J. is special. With special needs. He is distinguished or different from what is ordinary or usual. He is particularly valued.
He has special needs and I'm the only one that can meet them. Which means now I have special needs. But who meets mine?
Alot of the time there is no one that can. Because what I feel can only be filled by the Lord. Only He can fill this need I have
And he reminds me that I have been set apart for a purpose and a plan....for My special A.J.
I have to let him fill me so I can fill A.J.'s needs
And he whispers to me for I know the plans I have for you and A.J. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future
God above is able to meet every need I have if I let him be Jehovah Jireh.
I am Special and I'm learning to love it again!