My son has PDD. There I said it. Step 1 admission Step 2…….I don’t know yet.
I can finally say it out loud…but I still don't know how to handle it.
He won't talk to me, unless it is his idea.Simple things like, “Do you want a banana?” just turn in hours of a stand off. I'm not supposed to give in until he answers. But I'm the mommy, not the speech therapist.I want to give him the banana. I know be wants it and I want him to trust me to take care of him. Cause that's my job to love him and nourish him and nurture him. Why is it do hard?I want what's best for him, right?
Or do I want the easy thing
The compromise or the promise.
The compromise to give in and give him the banana let's me go on to the next part of our day and, after all, there's a small reward in it because he did point and stand in that area of the kitchen. He even said banana.But he's supposed to answer the question to encourage communication.So I exchange the long term goal for short term satisfaction.Because I'm exhausted and tired of waiting and I want him to be happy And the promise seems so far away.
I'd like to say I'm learning my lessons and holding fast to the truth but I'm notI'm worn down and unsure I'm gonna make it thru this
And then the frustration of why sets in
And the guilt sets inA
nd the anger sets in
And I'm back at the beginning
Choose compromise or promise
If I compromise I don’t have to face those thoughts and emotions....today.
But if I want the promise I have to fight hard and be uncomfortable…a lot! without the assurance that this will all turn out fine.
See my interpretation of the promise and God’s actual promise are two entirely different things probably. All the information I have is the end result. How we get there, well he didn't tell me that part.
But I am not as those that don’t have hope. I have hope in Jesus Christ I just lose sight of it in the daily struggle of life sometimes. I wish I was sharing a testimony but I'm not I'm sharing a struggle that God is helping me through. One day I'll share a testimony of what I've been brought out of and I'll stand in the promise
For now you can hear my story and know you're listening to a woman who believes God is sustaining me.
And every day I make a choice compromise or promise.
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Jill, I am so proud of you. Thanks for being so honest and raw... It's refreshing to hear from someone who isn't pretending that she has all the answers. You're a great mommy and I believe that you will see your promise. I love you!
ReplyDeleteGod placed A.J. in the best place in the entire universe -- with a very special young lady for his mother. It was so ordered from before the beginning of time, and your existence is a prophecy revealed. Who but the original Princess could know how to deal with this beautiful royal little Prince?!
ReplyDeleteYou are so adorable, Jill, and I love knowing what is under that Princess exterior is a strong woman who stands in and relies on the provision of God. I jsut love you!!!